Many of us engage in relationships with other people that can have their bumps or even earthquakes to deal with. We love them, but "why can't they just understand?"
The real question is, "Why don't they understand," but more importantly, "Why don't I understand they don't understand?" This is key in our conflicts with our partner, because this is exactly what causes our conflicts. In most fights, we usually feel like we're the ones that get it and they just simply don't get it. They don't understand what I'm trying to reveal to them about myself or life in general, and it's so obvious.
First, respect and thank them for fighting with us. It shows they care in some way or another, even if they don't realize it in the moment.
The engagement in the conflict shows they care, because they could otherwise just simply leave and not even try. Commitment is very important in the fight. Even though one side seems like they are less committed, while the other is very committed, the reality is that both are equally committed on opposite ends of the spectrum (of this fight). Just like North and South poles fighting about which pole has more importance on the planet, both are in relation to each other and are equal in the Unified being that is Mother Earth.
This approach of respecting and thanking the other for fighting will extremely affect the path of the conflict into a more harmonistic and understanding fight (as paradoxical as it sounds).
Next, realize that the reason why anyone doesn't understand something about the world is because we all work with a limited state of consciousness. Our bubble of awareness only penetrates so deeply into life and this is what creates the human experience. We're all trying to see and feel something we haven't before. If everyone understood everything about the Universe, then what would there be to explore? What would relationships even be at that point? That's why we go through what we do and with the people in our lives during those times. They complete the circuit within us, as we play one side of the charge and they play the other. Sometimes, those charges are more in alignment with each other, and other times, they aren't so much in alignment.
These misalignments and imbalances can have great rifts that cause for great conflicts. When we don't understand where the other is coming from and why they feel the way they did, we have to fight with them to get them to see. Both sides are poking at the other with their limited state of awareness, and as long or intense the fight may be, this shows how intense or one-sided our view is no matter how much we feel like we understand the other's point of view.
As hard as it may be to look at our viewpoint as being incomplete or even "wrong," this can open the channel for the other's viewpoint to enter our limited bubble of consciousness, as well as ours to their bubble.
In turn, our bubble will expand to encapsulate not only our current viewpoint but then our partner's viewpoint. We can now approach the argument from a more wholistic stance, and they will feel this wholistic energy. Every fight I've gotten into that was more one-sided (even though I couldn't see it in the moment, or even up to years later), they were the heated fights that felt more violent than progressive. Once I Unified my one-sided stance with my partner I was fighting with, any time that conflict and energy came around in my life, I know knew the "beginning, end, and everything in between" of it. They could feel I've worked through this conflict, and they don't feel such a pressing urge to fight with me to "convert" my understanding of life but rather evolve it with both of our views.
It's a much different "fight" that doesn't keep the two of us spinning around each other by trying to convert the other. Instead, we feel like there's something to gain from the other. This is very important to learn from our fights and not let them consume our energy in the hope that they'll one day understand. In that hope of the day they'll understand, we don't understand just as much as we feel they don't understand...Once that realization hits, we'll finally complete the circuit, which shifts our energy and will ultimately shift their energy as well. Just like they say, "Be the change you wish to see."
This is how that works. We shift our energy through this process of rebalancing and expanding of conscious bubbles, allowing us to have a more harmonistic conflict that engages differing limited belief systems to eventually see a grander perspective of life unseen before. This is why we fight with our lovers; because we love them enough to go through this process with them that expands their spirituality in ways they previously haven't...
After dealing with many divisions in life ranging from neighborly conflicts to religious and philosophical conflicts, reconciling them is my mission. These divisions can cause many mixed feelings that take longer to remedy and ultimately longer to achieve our unique purposes. My passion is assisting in spiritual evolution while being in the midst of our daily life circumstances...